My Latest Bio

Whenever I'm asked to write a Bio for a company I'm working for I take it as a challenge to point out odd things that I've done that are far from important, but completely factual. This morning I was greeted by an email asking for a bio that would go in a newsletter. This is what I came up with:

From an early age I had my eye on the prize. 1988 was the first year I tasted victory when my car crushed the competition to become the overall Champion at the South Hill Boy Scouts Pine Box Derby races. Still, that wasn’t enough to satisfy my insatiable appetite for success so I went on to dominate the South Hill 1 mile youth fun run for 3 consecutive years while in third through fifth grades. Wanting to be a well rounded individual I decided to take some time and focus my life on charity. However, my competitive spirit got the best of me even while helping others. In 4th grade I was honored with the “Most Valuable Jumper” award after raising the most money for the Dupont Elementary Jump Rope for Heart. As I matured I decided it was nice to let others have a taste of victory and backed off of my accomplishments showing my humble side. In 8th grade however I needed to remind the world of my greatness. I did so by winning both the Mecklenburg County Math and Science Fair with some break through research in Statistics and Optical Illusions as well as taking gold in the Virginia FFA Meat Judging competition. Few people can say they lead all of NCAA Baseball with a perfect 1.000 batting average over several weeks, but I can. After hanging up the cleats to concentrate on my studies I was asked to use my wealth of basketball knowledge to steer the ship of the AOPi Intramural team. With my guidance those girls went on to win 3 straight All Campus Championships. It was a dynasty of domination that some people compare to the New England Patriots, but I don’t want to get carried away.

Jill says it sounds too cocky if you don't know that I'm being sarcastic. I think she's right, but I also think that's the point.