Bathroom Disaster!

I've never been one of those people that loves to talk about what goes down in a bathroom. You've all met the people that do. They kick open bathroom doors with a great sense of triumph for whatever damage they just did and then speak far too loudly to the person closest to them to ensure everyone can clearly hear the tale. These are not stories that should be shared. I mean, I didn't even believe that girls pooped until I was 22 and lived with 4 of them so you can see where I think of the bathroom as a private venue.

My current office only has one bathroom on the main floor. The other bathroom requires you go down a flight of stairs, through an extra door and use a key to get in. This other bathroom has a major default in the fact that the door is always locked, but not from the inside. So anyone with a key can always roll right in. This factor drives me insane. Both bathrooms are unisex, which in theory is ok, but in practice not so great. For clarification read the last paragraph from above for a refresher.

Recently the size of our office staff has basically tripled with seasonal members. It does not take a phD in Economics to see the supply and demand curve of the bathroom availability skewing in an unfavorable direction. Still, the occasional to often waiting for someone to exit isn't that bad. What is bad is the unavoidable knowledge of what just happened in that bathroom before you entered it's domain.

People stroll out of there with the biggest smiles on their faces like it's totally normally, and maybe it is. I completely realize that I'm probably the weird one here, but nobody seems to be the slightest bit embarrassed that the next five people who walk into that bathroom aren't going to be able to breath normally for the next day or two. A few days ago I literally held my breath the entire time I was peeing because it was so bad. No I didn't wash my hands because that would have taken extra time and I was already starting to turn blue. It was that bad. I am not being dramatic.

I'm left with this problem and have no idea what to do about it. I could always go downstairs to the other bathroom, but really, it's no better. I could grow up and deal, but there are clearly some deep seeded issues that my brain can't handle. Or, I can keep doing what I currently do now. Every time I open the bathroom door I take in the biggest breath possible and hope I can hold it for the duration. It is not unlikely that someone will find me passed out on that bathroom floor. I'm considering buying a fake gas mask and hanging it next to the door to try and make the point. Let's just hope the odor doesn't stick to clothes.