Unlike some guys who ride a bike I'm not really anti the hipster-fixie crowd. I often find their bikes really pretty, full of matching colors and thought out decoration schemes. I also find most hipsters on fixies to be better bike handlers than a lot of guys I ride with so they've got that going for them. I will say that riding a bike with no brakes is pretty stupid, but in most cases they do have an extra layer of protection in the form of an almost grown in mustache.
One group I can't even start to wrap my head around are the idiots who decided a regular double triangle bike just wasn't good enough for them. Maybe they're short and couldn't see over their fellow freak shows while riding the wrong way up one way city streets. Maybe they found a bunch of old bikes at a yard sale, did some drugs with a guy who was an "artist" who happened to own a welder and decided that they could fix their vision issues by stacking two bikes on each other and achieve unrivaled panoramic views of oncoming angry traffic. If you've never seen a tall bike in person, consider yourself lucky, but, here at teamLandall we believe in visual reinforcement, so I found a perfect example in about 2 seconds using a google search.
I never really noticed this until the other day when I saw a guy on a tall bike using the old foot-jammed-on-the-rear-tire-braking tactic. As you can probably guess this is a marginally effective method for controlling speed and I can only imagine the likely hood of broken bones from bailing out on an out of control tall bike is at least 4xs as likely as your average out of control fixie. But, if you look closely, you'll notice our friend in this picture also prefers his tall bike, sans brake. How can I tell? First, take a look at the handle bars which are turned up in such a way to make his position more relaxed and comfortable, no brake levers. "Yes," you might say, "but my bike as a kid didn't have brake levers but a coaster brake on the rear wheel." Great observation, except you see that derailleur turned in almost a vertical position to redirect his 38' long chain? If there's coaster brakes that thing's getting ripped off first time he applies them. But why be bothered with a mechanism to help control speed when you're enjoying your ride at least 6' off the ground? I can't think of any rational reasons. I'm sure you're having the same struggle.
I'd like, for just once, to have one of these clowns explain to me why they'd want to ride a bike that requires some sort of complimentary object just to get on the thing and then why they enjoy having to time all the lights so they aren't forced to get on and off? I once saw a guy in Portland (city of weird bike culture) remove a stilt looking object that was fashioned to the non drive side of the bike. He used this stilt at stop lights to tripod himself up. Once he got rolling again he re secured the stilt to the bike. I'm not gonna lie, all things considered, and ignoring the fact that he was still riding a tall bike, this was pretty impressive. But I still disapprove. Obviously.
These bikes are a product of some dumb urban bike culture that I will never understand. Am I the only one that silently (and sometimes, most of the time, not so silently) hopes that the person riding one falls over every time I see one in the city? I doubt it.
Next up, folding bikes.
I remember the first time I saw one of these and couldn't decide if the design was genius or ridiculous. I'm still stuck. Every time I see one I can't help but imagine my junk getting smashed into that back leg of the triangle where the seat is fixed. It seems like a pretty efficient design if you don't mind the occasional junk bashing. As someone who races cyclo-cross and getting about 75% of my remounts wrong, I can tell you, that shit hurts. On a side note, moms should not stand with their young kids at spots on the course where remounts are being attempted. Unless they want their kid learning a bunch of new vocabulary. You're call. It sort of looks like it's trying to pay homage to the first bikes with the gigantic front wheel and tiny little back wheel. Or, maybe that's just me trying to give this thing some sort of justification. But, even with junk smashing, from a design perspective, it's got to be stronger than one of these things, which are a lot more common:
A lot of people point out that they like these bikes because you can take them on the train during rush hour. I agree, that is a nifty feature, except most people use these bikes for commuting and thus avoid the train during rush hour. But, maybe not? I think my favorite part of seeing these bikes on my way to work is really the people riding them. If you ever wondered who keeps the companies that make reflective gear and hi-vis yellow clothing in business, look no further than the guy with a folding bike. One morning I thought I was interrupting some weird race as there was a pace line of these dudes at least 6 guys deep. I was more than a little nervous passing them because you never know how 6 guys in hi-vis yellow and cranking along in their 65x23 are going to feel being passed buy a guy on a "normal" bike. Have you ever noticed how big the front chain ring is? I'm pretty sure when Magnus Backstedt attempted to break the hour record and used some ungodly large gear (I can't find a picture or video) he must have borrowed the chain ring from one of these things.
Maybe I'm just a traditionalist but doesn't it make these people nervous that all the stress points on the bike are so far away from where they're making contact? In essence these things have a steer tube and seat post of like 3'. Any 5th grader learning about fulcrums can tell you that given a long enough lever a baby could produce enough torque to turn over an elephant. I'm sure they test these things and they're "safe" but it'd make me nervous having that much tubing flex and absorbing shock as I roll over every bump. I guess I've never heard of those things snapping in half, but I don't really roll in circles where people are riding these bikes.
Almost daily I see a guy on probably the weirdest two wheeled machine that gains forward momentum through pedaling (I know, needs work). I tried so hard to find a picture of his exact set up but couldn't. To be honest, I don't even know what to call it. The best I could do is this, which, doesn't do it justice, but it's a start and I'll of course elaborate.
The one I pass all the time has a gigantic front wind shield but the cloth fairing piece is way bigger than this picture. This guys barely covers the tubing on his super cool recumbent, but the guy I pass barely has ground clearance. He's cruising the low rider version of a recumbent with weird cloth fairing. At first I thought this was a shield from the cold, which, on one ride into work, I was a bit jealous of this guys self created micro-environment. But, the other day, it was about 80 degrees and I saw him again, which, who knows, maybe he's got that thing equipped with AC? All I know, is this thing looks like he's from some other planet or at least trying to get there. I can't for the life of me figure out what the advantage is, but can't help but think how funny it'd be if a bee were to make it's way into his little cocoon and then do what trapped bees do. I'd like to watch that go down while I'm behind at a safe distance so when he careens out of control, I can call 911 and tell them to bring the jaws of life. Or, at least a good pair of scissors. I'm sort of surprised I can't find whatever it is this thing is called online because the guy around here has two different covers (there can't possibly be two different dudes riding these things!?), one in blue and one in black with hi-vis yellow zebra stripes. Having the hi-vis yellow is obviously key because nobody is likely to notice a seemingly rolling space ship. I mean without that, he's practically camouflaged.
I'm just going to leave out any sort of criticism over the fact that this guy, when it's boiled down, is riding a recumbent. My thoughts on recumbents are long and confused. I'll spare you.
I didn't realize it until just now but it appears, after looking back over this little blurb that it's really just about visability. We started with our urban bike culture weirdo welding two bikes and connecting every chain he could steal off bikes locked up to parking meters, to an old guy (I'm guessing here. It's impossible to tell who's pedaling the space ship since he's entirely closed in.) who'd prefer a more relaxed position but realizing he's now inches from the ground, looked for ways to increase his visibility by imitating space travel.
The other day I was riding with a guy who went on quite a rant about how he wanted to respect everybody on a bike. I believe the quote was something like, "Hey man, we're all on bikes. If you're on a Pinerello with a 45 degree stem facing up. That's fine. We're both on bikes." I know what he was getting at and I agree that cycling/cyclist (myself included) should do a better job of being more welcoming of new riders because we all started out somewhere. But, in some cases, you just gotta draw the line somewhere.
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